Am I Actually Ready to Bring Baby Home? What Your Registry Doesn’t Cover

If you’re new here, I’m Alisa- a pediatric nurse practitioner and a mom of two, and I write about the things I wish someone had told me before I lived them.

You’re pregnant, your due date is getting closer, and there’s a quiet little voice that shows up when you’re falling asleep or just going about your day.

"Am I actually ready to bring this baby home?"

I’m Alisa, a pediatric nurse practitioner and mom of 2, and here’s what I want you to know first: that thought is completely normal. As birth gets closer, almost every expecting mom starts asking, “Am I ready for a baby? Will I know what to do?”

Here’s what I think that voice is really telling us. It’s not saying you need more gear.

What do you need on a baby registry?

There are some things you do need to bring a newborn home. A safe sleep space, a car seat, something to feed them with, onesies and diapers. Those are worth having.

But I could get on my soapbox about the newborn product industry for a long time. It’s very good at making new parents anxious that they need a certain number of things (the more expensive, the better!) to take care of their baby, and that simply isn’t true. Gear is fine. It’s just not everything.

So if your registry is done and you still don’t feel ready, that’s not a sign you forgot something on the list. There are three other things that matter just as much to your newborn season, and none of them involve your registry: newborn care, postpartum recovery, and support.

1. Newborn care: know what’s normal before you’re exhausted

Whether you babysat for years, worked as a nanny, or have never held a newborn, a basic understanding of what’s normal (and what isn’t) is one of the best ways to set yourself up for success.

I’ll be honest about something. Even as a pediatric nurse practitioner, I was surprised by how different it was to care for a newborn 24/7 compared with an 8-hour or 12-hour shift. And being the primary caregiver and decision-maker, the one who decides “Is this normal? Do I need to call the doctor?”, is so much more vulnerable than I ever expected.

A little knowledge ahead of time takes the edge off that 2:00am moment when your baby is crying, you’ve tried everything, and you don’t know what to do.

A few things worth learning before baby arrives:

• Newborn bathing. Newborns aren’t tiny adults, and some of their care is very different from what you’d expect.
• Feeding basics. If you want to breastfeed, consider taking a class. I also always recommend finding a lactation consultant ahead of time. Check whether they’re in network with your insurance, and save their contact information in your phone so you know exactly who to call if you hit a hiccup after you get home. If you think you might use bottles or supplement with formula, get a general understanding of bottle feeding and have your bottles ready to go.
• What’s normal for a newborn. Newborns have immature nervous systems, they communicate by crying, and they have immature temperature regulation. Understanding those basics makes a lot of newborn behavior make sense.
• When to call the doctor. Know when something isn’t normal and a phone call is needed, before you’re in the middle of it.

2. Postpartum recovery: it’s a whole-body experience

When I talk about recovery, I don’t just mean physical recovery, though that matters a lot. I mean physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual recovery. Your whole body and self are going through a period of transition.

There are actually words for this. In the 1970s, the term matrescence was given to the period of a woman becoming a mother, similar to how adolescence describes becoming an adult. Patrescence is the term used for a man becoming a father. It’s more than “we had a baby and our family is growing.” It’s a season of becoming.

And here’s the part I wish more moms heard before birth: your six-week checkup is not the end of your recovery. We don’t have a great grasp of exactly how long it takes a woman to feel more like herself again, but it’s measured in months, not weeks. Talk to moms who are a year or two out, and many will tell you they’re just starting to feel closer to baseline. Hormones take a while to settle, which makes sense when you just spent nine months growing a baby.

I don’t think you go back to exactly who you were before, and that’s okay. You’re becoming someone new. You’re a mother, and you’re learning how to care for another tiny human being. It’s not a straight line, and there will be ebb and flow.

So if you’re wondering how to prepare for postpartum recovery, start here:

• Give yourself grace. You’re learning something completely new.
• Understand the basics of what recovery involves.
• Set your home up ahead of time with the items and tools you’ll need to recover well.

3. Support: decide what you need before you need it

This one gets skipped the most. Talk with your partner ahead of time about the kind of support you’ll practically need.

Many of us don’t have family right down the road. Family is often a plane ride away. So think through your options:

• Will family come to stay for a little while, and do you want that?
• Do you have friends, neighbors, or a church community who could help?
• How do you want to use that support? Meals? Laundry? Groceries?
• If you both work, what does leave look like? Are you both returning to work, and when? Are you taking leave at the same time or at different times?

Sit down together and talk through what needs to be divided between the two of you and where extra help would make a difference.

My husband and I will be honest: we briefly talked about some of this before our baby arrived, we didn’t talk about other parts at all, and we wish we had. We never sat down and went through it together.

Set aside an hour. Grab your coffee or tea and get on the same page. It’s also exciting to sit down and picture what this season will look like with the baby you’re bringing home.

I put all of these conversations into a guide so you don’t have to figure out what to ask. Before Baby Comes Home walks you and your partner through each topic, so you can set your expectations together and not make assumptions. It’s an instant download.

A note for your partner

If you’re the partner reading this, your recovery and becoming matters too. That’s what patrescence is about. You’re not just the helper in this season. You’re becoming a parent, and the best thing you can do before birth is have these conversations with her, so you’re working as a team and not guessing.

You don’t have to be perfect to be ready

Being ready doesn’t mean having every answer or every product. It means you know the basics of newborn care, you’ve planned for your own recovery, and you and your partner have talked about how you’ll support each other.

If you’d like more guidance, I have a lot more coming on postpartum, newborn care, and setting yourself up to feel prepared instead of blindsided, and wishing someone had told you what it was really going to be like.

Next steps:

• Start the partner conversations with Before Baby Comes Home
• Get my free tips for expecting parents: wholeheartedparenthood.com/tips
• Want newborn care and recovery covered step by step? See the New Parent Prep Class

Educational purposes only. Not a substitute for licensed medical care. Always talk with your own provider about your pregnancy and baby.

For more on postpartum: 

You Prepared for Birth. But Did You Prepare for After?

What to Expect the First Week With a Newborn (From a Pediatric NP Who Learned the Hard Way)

The Conversation You're Not Having (But Should Be Before Baby Arrives)